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Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
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Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007
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man, i dont even know what to say anymore... im not in a bad mood or anything, i just feel like i need to vent. its kinda late to call anyone, and i dont exactly feel like talking to ryan. he is probably out and about anyways. lately, i feel like our relationship is just not working. i love him to death, but i just dont think that things are working out anymore. i hate worrying and just everything else that i have been doing up to this point. so i was home today, and i was texting him, tellin him to come over...i had my heart set on pretty much breaking up with him. but i couldnt do it for some reason.like, i feel like fuckin bawlin everytime i even think about not being with him, but i also know that we dont have the healthiest relationship. i try,and i try, but i just dont think that anything i am doing is really working. and sometimes i feel like he isnt trying at all. i mean, maybe he is, but i dont see it. i feel like such an ass sometimes cuz i am constantly doubting him. thats not what you do in a relationship, right? you are supposed to be able to trust a person. not always question their statements and/or motives.ugh. i think im just freaking myself out with all this nonsense.
my new years eve was pretty intense. i ended the night in tears, cuz i talked to my mom. i miss her, even though sometimes she is not the nicest person...she tries to keep my head on straight for me. it was just sad talkin to her last night. im sure she thought that i was drunk, cuz i could barely understand myself and what i was saying. but i was completely sober, but very out of sorts and just trying to i dunno...ugh ya know, i dont even feel like finishing this. its bullshit.
all i can say is that i miss having people around that really understand me.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006
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| Subject: | hmm |
| Time: | 12:41 pm. |
| Mood: |  energetic. | | Music: | coldplay - the hardest part. |
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im sitting here, bored. it sucks cuz when i have this much time on my hands, i tend to look back and start to analyze things. and right now, all that comes to mind is my relationship. or lack of relationship. whatever. this shit has me bummed, but im really ready to go home.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
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im not exactly in the best mood right now.
i dont really know why, cuz i was happy like two hours ago.
i have entirly too much shit on my mind and no one to really talk to.
ugh, i hate being bummed out. its so shitty.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, October 10th, 2006
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| Subject: | dude |
| Time: | 1:02 pm. |
| Mood: |  geeky. | | Music: | come and get it. |
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nevada is way cool.
i can see myself living here.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, September 30th, 2006
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ryan got a livejournal.
go add him.
you know you wanna....
his username is ryanxup
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, September 23rd, 2006
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i need to get my shit straight, but im lackin any/all motivation.
i need to move out in the next month or so.
im savin money, but the hours at my job are so fucked.
they gave me all this weekend off. wtf.
so ive been doing nothing but layin around the house with ryan.
i dunno. ive got entirely too much time on my hands right now.
i should be doing something productive.
maybe as a start, im gonna end this.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, September 21st, 2006
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Saturday, September 16th, 2006
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ive been sorta negative. im not to sure why that is, but thats how it is. i took this entire weekend off because my parents were going outta town and i was going to watch my lil brother. now, they decided not to go,and i dont have any money because i didnt work at all. kinda shitty. yeah, well, my weekend has been pretty boring thus far, and im pretty sure my birthday is completely going to suck. tomorrow i turn 20. kinda wierd. im not excited this year. my family probably isnt even going to do anything for it. oh well. heres to getting old.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, August 19th, 2006
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the events in my life have some awkward timing.
like, im happy but now ill always wonder...
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
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| Time: | 3:18 pm. |
| Mood: |  pessimistic. | | Music: | bouncing souls. |
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im really confused right now.
im scared i will never figure shit out.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, July 22nd, 2006
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so, drinkin isnt really my thing anymore.
i dont enjoy how i feel afterwards.
i get dumb, irrational and annoying.
so yeah. i guess i was a little better off then some people last night, but that doesnt mean that im gonna go doin it again. i nearly got kicked out of my house last night for some shit. sooo, no more.
haha, reno ryan is benchpressin his cat. wtf.
san antonio in four weeks. im so stoked.
p.s. to those of you who had to be around me last night, im sorry.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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i hate it
i hate being brought in it
fuck all that mess.
i need a vacation.
good thing i already planned it... :)
be jealous bitches.
mmm, i love white merlot.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
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| Time: | 4:10 pm. |
| Mood: |  cheerful. | | Music: | no music. alex talkin... |
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i really like being lazy.
movie nights are the best.
so is cuddling....eep!
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 10:54 am. |
| Mood: |  aggravated. |
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ugh dude fuck being sick.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 7:04 pm. |
| Mood: | restless. |
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ugh. im frustrated.
not like that.
just with the things that are happening right now,
and what the possible future may look like.
bad news.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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too much debt.
not enough sleep.
i need to quit fuckin dreamin.
no more nonsense!
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i guess when you cant have it, you gotta hate it huh?
lame ass
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 2:40 am. |
| Mood: |  crazy. | | Music: | warriors - scene celebrity. |
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im in a wierd time of my life right now.
nothing is really makin any sense.
i like my job, but i cant do it forever.
i miss learning, but im too scared to pull out a loan for school.
im in debt right now. noone should be at 19.
i love being single, but i hate being alone.
i need something.
but what?
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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i just came back from sprint after paying my bill.
im anxiously waiting for my phone to get turned back on, so that i can make some long overdue phone calls.
i suck as a friend.
im sure you all hate me now.
i know for sure one of you does. leavin mean comments on my myspace.
yeah, so i have not been doing anything exciting.
no drinking. good thing.
i have been workin like crazy.
the only nice thing i did this week was celebrate two birthdays.
yeah, im super hungry so im off to find something to eat.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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electricromance's journal
annoyed.
bummed.
bouncy.
ditzy.
lame.
curious.
calm.